The coast and the city

I can barely believe that it’s the end of May. Not a lot of posting up in here this month, for a few reasons:

1.       The first part of the month I was getting us ready for vacation. Lots of shopping for the perfect pair or sandals for me, 
      boardies for AD, and small items to keep LG busy during his first airplane ride, along with paying bills, washing, packing, etc.

2.      We were on vacation for a week, during which time I unplugged. No email, Facebook, blogs, Internet-anything. It was 
      amazing.

3.      I was pregnant the whole month. How’s that for a super low key life event reveal? I am currently 12 weeks and due 
     December 8^th. I’ve been tired, nauseated, and hungry.

Besides the vacation and pregnancy, I was also a perfectionist throughout the entire month (okay, throughout my entire life). Though I know things don’t need to be perfect and have come a long, long way, perfectionism still trips me up, wedges itself between me and my dreams, and sometimes paralyzes me. If I don’t have the (time, energy, resources) to do this (blog post, DIY project, event, meal) to an acceptable level I’ve created in my head, I just won’t do it at all.

In terms of the blog, I don’t have the time or energy right now to make it read, look, feel the way I want it to, which has been a stumbling block to recording and sharing what’s been going on in our lives, in my head, and in my heart this year.

Though I wanted to do something fun to highlight my first blogiversary (and Mother’s Day, and the new bebe) this month, it didn’t happen. I did go back and read my first blog post, and realized that I need to get back to where I was a year ago: simply writing as a way to share memories, work out some things going on in my head/heart, and hopefully glorifying God. Not posting photojournalistic snapshots with each post, using the perfect graphic and font, getting followers, getting my projects pinned, etc. So I’m going back to basics for a while. If I have time to get my photos uploaded and edited, great, but if not, it’ll just be memories and meaningful content.

Source

So, here’s what I’m noodling on right now:

Part I

My family (AD, LG, and I) and the fam I’m from (mom, dad, brother, brother’s girlfriend) spent last week with my mom’s aunt’s family at a gorgeous beach house on St. Simons Island, Georgia (it’s on the coast between Savannah and Jacksonville). We had a wonderful time—I will definitely be doing a detailed post about our trip with pics at some point—but what’s really struck me since I’ve been home is the simple beauty of that place.

Last week it was the ocean, beach, and marshes, lush foliage and hanging moss, colorful homes of all types of architecture, vintage-style bikes, the sunshine, the breeze. And this week, driving to the grocery store and looking around, I’m seeing concrete, powerlines, restaurants and strip malls, and house after house after house in one of four styles with grass and one or two trees (in one of five species) in the yard. This culture shock of sorts made me realize what an effect being surrounded by a beautiful environment can have on your spirit. Now, I know comparing an upscale vacation destination and working-class metropolitan area isn’t quite fair. And I’m not saying that I don’t see some beauty in some parts of the suburbs or city, but as indicated in my use of the word “some” in the first part of this sentence, it is often an exception, not the norm; something that must be sought out or looked for, not simply taken in. There are a lot of people who would tell me that I need to  choose to find the beauty in the everyday, blah blah blah.

All that said, I know there are a lot of beautiful places--city and country, in all directions, near and far--that working people can live. While it has been in our family plan to eventually move out to a big piece of land with hills and trees and water and be as self-sufficient as possible, traveling to this beautiful place confirmed it that much more, and brought the goal into finer focus.

Part II
On Tuesday, AD, LG, and I hopped in the car as soon as I got home from work, headed to a nursery down by the airport that has quality plants for cheap. When we got there, we were greeted by a sign telling us that they were sold out and closed until they'd have farm produce in late July. So we took a different way home, one in which we'd pass a few more nurseries. A little way down the road, in a city we only ever pass through, I made AD pull over because my stomach was getting empty and making me feel like I was going to puke. 

The next place to pull over was a gas station with a McDonald's. So we got out of our decade-old car, all of us in t-shirts, jeans, and flip flops, and ordered dinner. And the overwhelming feeling while we were there was that we were not welcome there, mostly because we were not black.

And I just thought, this is BS. I live in this county, my taxes help out here, and I can't get some chicken McNuggets without dealing with crap? And then all of the ranting I hear from my father, who grew up in Detroit but now calls it a dump (among other things), and the comments from my aunt and uncle when they get back from visiting my cousin's family in Charlotte, all started to make sense. I was asking myself, why should I deal with a corrupted city that can't help itself (can we say Kwame?), horrible roads, high gas prices, when I don't have to?

And these musings bring me to an ongoing internal struggle between optimism and pessimism, and a question I ask myself all the time about a lot of things: When do you keep trying, and when do you give up on (your city, job, family, friends, religion, sports team, ____)?

This city has me feeling this way this week, but even more so over the past year, I've felt this way towards the behavior of some people in my life that I care about. As I've grown older, I've become more complacent; less likely to speak my mind if I feel that something or someone has done wrong. I've been wondering whether it's that I'm afraid of the lasting consequences of being really straight up/standing up to someone, whether I'm being complacent because these people are not a part of my everyday life and dealings, or whether an appropriate opportunity just hasn't come along yet. The one thing that resonates with me, though, is that doing and saying nothing just perpetuates a bad cycle that could at least change, and maybe one day end.

Well, this post was...
...all over the place?
...moving in the right direction
...cathartic

 

A letter to LG at 27 [and a half] months

Well, LG, it’s been five months since my last letter to you. And a busy five months it has been.

At the writing of my last letter, your Nana and I were busy working on your Halloween costume, which is probably the last costume for which you have no input. Since the first animal noise you could consistently make was a growl and I had a good idea for a DIY costume, you were a lion (tutorial coming later this summer for all you blog readers). You went around the cul-de-sac and across the street; we probably hit about ten houses, and you were starting to the hang of trick-or-treating. 
 

 

Sometime during the fall, owls became your favorite animal, which inspired the theme for your 2^nd birthday celebration. Currently, the animal you’re most interested in is a “durtle.”

Luckily, your father’s one week of vacation (airline pilots bid their vacation, and it is awarded based on seniority) fell during the week before Christmas, so we were able to spend your birthday with Daddy’s side of the family in Maryland. For our owl theme, we had the Dubs next door make you a personalized birthday shirt; the front had an owl on it, and said “Look Whooo’s Two!” and the back had your name and birth date. We also had the Dubs make shirts for your cousins on Mommy’s side of the family for Gami brunch, as shown below with your Birthday Buddy CD:

Mommy made owl ornaments, which served as a decoration and favor for the cousins:

And your father and I made owl cupcakes for dessert. You liked the “cookas” on top more than the cupcake or frosting. 

Your birthday gift from Mommy & Daddy was a camping set, which you and your cousins all crammed into:

Besides celebrating your birthday and spending time with family, I would say the other highlight of our trip was a visit to the village firehouse to see their annual train garden display, along with a glimpse of the fire trucks. 

I’m always surprised that the book of Genesis doesn’t explain why God created little boys to be crazy about anything with wheels (or why all children love Elmo), but it’s certainly the case with you, and “dooh-dooh”s are by far your favorite. You were thrilled that Nona and Pop Pop sent home the wooden train table that has now replaced (two times over in size) the coffee table in our family room. I’m not going to lie, your father hates it and is already trying to get rid of it.  

Maybe because we were with you 24/7 that week, or maybe because you were away from home and out of your routine, but it seemed like your "terrible two" symptoms kicked into high gear while we were in Maryland. Evidence: 

-         Your grandparents keep juice boxes, cheese, and other little snacks in the lower part of their refrigerator for your older cousins to help themselves to while they're over. We don't really give you juice at home, and when we do, it's watered down and definitely not in a colorful box with a straw; however, we thought it would be fine if you had one of these little boxes per day while we were at Nona and Pop Pop's. Well, after you got your fix on the day we arrived, any time someone would open the refrigerator, you'd have a meltdown, crying "my joo, my joo."

-         Your grandparents have put together an adorable room that can sleep all four of your cousins; it has a twin bunk, two toddler beds, and a pack 'n play. Since the pack ‘n play was set up for your little cousin CZ, we pulled one of the toddler mattresses onto the floor for you to sleep on. Getting you down for the night wasn’t too bad, but we struggled with your naps; the biggest contributing factor, I think, is that you’re used to room-darkening shades at home, and the kids’ room at Nona and Pop Pop’s only have shutters across the bottom third of the windows.  So naps were very difficult, and some days they didn't happen at all.

Because your sleeping arrangement in Maryland was different than it had been at home, we were able to switch up your bedtime routine when we returned home. Prior to the trip, we were reading several books before bed, and I was rocking you to sleep and then placing you in your bed. When we returned from Maryland, we whittled it down to just two books each night, and the same books every night (Thomas's ABC Book and Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site). After the books, I rock you for precisely four minutes, and then put you in your bed and tuck you in. Since you have made no attempts to escape, you’re still sleeping in your crib, and will continue to do so until a) you try climb out, b) you’re too heavy to be lifting in and out, or c) someone else needs it.  

So that was our trip to Maryland. The next week, we celebrated Christmas at home in the Mitten with Nana and Grandpa and Uncle BZ (Daddy was working), and the week after that, we hosted Gami brunch for Grandpa's side of the family. The holidays were busy, but not overdone. They were meaningful, but relaxed. Mommy closed out the year feeling very happy and very blessed.

When people ask me how you are, I tell them, "he's two." You throw tantrums, whine, and disobey on a daily basis, and I am frustrated with you on a daily basis. Some days I wonder if every single component of our day together (which is not that much, considering--and this is sad, but true--we probably spend forty-five minutes together in the morning and two and a half hours together in the evening during the week) has to be filled with drama and hassle and tension. It wears on me differently some days than it does others. I try not to take your behavior personally, but sometimes it's hard not to. I think your father and I have done a good job at balancing the routine and structure we provide for you with compassion and flexibility. Your time with us is pretty predictable, but if you show interest in doing something outside our routine, we'll usually oblige. We'll usually let you do things yourself, time and safety permitting. So why do you fight me so?

The biggest thing I've noticed over the past few months is that you have a hard time making and sticking to your decisions. We usually try to limit you to two options; you'll pick option A, then want option B, but when option B replaces option A, you want B again, and then nothing can make you happy. A few examples:

-         Everyone seems to be finished with dinner. We go to take your food away, and you holler and cry for it back. So we put your plate back in front of you, and you push it away. So we take it away again, you want it back again, but you don't really want it.

-         We come upstairs for the evening and go into the bathroom. I ask you if you if you want to try and sit on the potty, and start pulling your britches down. You throw a fit, so I pull them back up and tell you we'll go to your room to get in your jammies and read books, and start heading that way. You do not follow, because you are still in the bathroom, trying to pull down your pants. You will fight me whether I go back in the bathroom and help you with your pants, or take you to your bedroom and try to change your diaper.

I've learned to simply avoid these situations if I can predict them, to be firm, and to ignore your behavior if I've given it fair attention. But some mornings, after I've had to hold you down to get you dressed, pin you down to get you buckled into your carseat, pick you up and carry you all the way to your classroom at daycare because you've refused to leave the the side of the car in 20-something degree weather/leave the sofa or fish tank in the lobby/go through the security doors/run down the wrong hallway/leave your hood in my hand when I try to grab you/kick off one of your shoes as I'm carrying you, and then you throw a fit when I try to leave, I can't help but be riled up. And that's all before 7:30am! Or some afternoons, when you've run back into at least two of the already-tidied toddler classrooms and gotten into stuff, sat on each of the seats on all three baby buggies outside of the infant room, crawled down the hallway, bust into the administrator's office or copy room, and then collapse into a heap of spaghetti when I finally try to carry you to and get you in the car, I yell at you. Stop it! You're hurting Mommy! Other times, there are two swift hand slappings.

I am not trying to say that you're the worst toddler ever; in fact, I'm pretty sure you're a rather typical specimen. I'm not trying to say that I'm the worst parent; I know that's not true. I'm just trying to put out here what out everyday interactions can be like. 

This letter is getting long. You'll probably be in high school before you have the reading skills and attention span to read this, so I'll close out this post with a list:

- Any aircraft you see--whether it's Jeremy the Jet on Thomas & Friends, the Hess helicopter Mom Mom sent you for 
  Christmas, or an airliner cruising at 8,000 feet you see out the car window--is "Daddy's nee." Likewise, any pick-up truck is 
  "Daddy's truck."

- Any phone (or calculator, or remote) is a "lo" (as in hel-lo).

- If we tell you something is like "MacCheese," you're much more likely to try it. If you won't eat something one night, there is 
  a good possibility you'll eat it the next night if we make it into a quesadilla.

- You love "cookas" (cookies), and have applied it to any type of baked good or dessert. Crackers, breakfast bars, muffins, 
  popsicles--all cookas in your book.

- You have the hands splayed/puzzled face expression down to a T.

- While you can't put two fingers up to show you're two, you can cross those two fingers, and are very proud of it.

- You can walk sideways, and sometimes require that I do too (or that I walk backwards) on our afternoon walks.

- Your favorite toys are your play kitchen and parking garage. You do not really like to color :(

- We recently created you a hangout nook in your closet, which you love, and are excited to show visitors.

- You have a crush on a little girl named Abby at your daycare. She sometimes refuses to ride in the buggy at pickup time (she 
  is lovably sassy), which gives you an opportunity to giver her a hug (and sometimes make smooching noises) on our way out. 
  If we mention school at home, you'll immediately start saying her name.

LG's first camping trip

If you didn't already know, AD and I are hardcore campers. For the first four years of our togetherness, we kicked it in a backpacking tent, always in rustic national forest or state park campsites. Almost four years ago, we got our pop-up camper. The only thing that changed with the addition of "Poppy" is that we can accommodate up to three other adults, and the majority of our camping gear lives in her year round, which makes the before and after part of camping much easier, and we therefore go more often--just grab your clothes and food and go! It is truly our home away from home; we have room for all of our camping needs [and more], including the "Oh Sh*t" bag for emergencies. Let me say, though, that our home away from home does not include a generator, air conditioner, TV/DVDs, or even flushable toilets. That's why we go rustic. If you want that stuff, stay home. 

Poppy's first trip [with us] in April 2009--notice there are no leaves on the trees? AD couldn't wait to go

The first summer (2009) we had Poppy, we probably went camping 8-10 times, including our week-long trip to the U.P., which is one of my favorite memories in our *almost* five years of marriage. The second summer (2010) we had her, we only went 3-4 times--we had just bought [and were working our butts off on] our house and I was in the first/second trimester with LG, which included a fun stint with placenta previa where I was on bedrest for a week and then limited physical activity for another month. Last year (2011), poor Poppy only got used once, and that was for deer camp in November, on account of the fact that AD spent the first half of the summer researching, interviewing, and studying for a new job, and then August - October in training in the other D[allas].

Pure Michigan: Lake of the Clouds, Porcupine Mountains

We didn't know how many times we'd get to go this year, especially with AD working just about every weekend--seriously, his first weekend off this year was in July, and not so coincidentally, our first camping trip of the year, and LG's first camping trip ever, was in July. We decided to keep it simple and go to Brighton State Recreation Area, which is less than an hour from home and also where we took Poppy for her first camping trip (with us; she'd had two previous owners who didn't take her out very much). AD was supposed to be getting home from work late on a Friday night, so we planned to take off first thing Saturday morning and come home Sunday afternoon. Well, AD ended up getting home from work before I did that Friday, and talked me into rushing around and forgetting things throwing everything in the truck and taking off that evening; I'm definitely glad we did, though. 

So, how did LG's first camping trip go, you ask? AWESOME. I don't know why we ever had the slightest doubt that he would be anything but a natural camper. He loved it. 

Do you think I could find a toddler-size camping chair when I actually needed one?

On Saturday morning we had breakfast and then took a walk around the campground; LG wanted to hold hands going up and down the gravel road, and I wish I would have had my camera with me to get a pic of AD and LG from behind. But alas, I have memories. Then we rented a paddle boat, and of course, AD took us through these shallow little channels between several different lakes and then threw SG in and had to jump in after her (she's not the spring chicken she used to be). Shenanigans. But we all had fun. Then LG took a nap:

LOVE it.

Per usual, there was an afternoon trip into town for ice cream and supplies. Other than that, there was:

(playing)

and

(eating -- LOVE this face)

and

(hanging -- just to photographically prove that SG and I were there too)

and one

(tantrum)

On Sunday, we had breakfast, packed up camp, and planned on going to the beach (one of the only nice beaches I know of on the east side of the state) before heading home, but LG conked out in the car [sunscreen and swim gear and all]. So when we got home, he washed Poppy with our solar shower and we had a picnic in the backyard.

We're hoping to get to our favorite fall camping spot this month or next.

Since there's a shot of LG and I, and a few of LG and AD, I'm linking this post up to:



 

Our family vacation

AD will have been at his job as a First Officer (FO) at his regional airline for a year as of August 1st. Sometime around the end of the first year, pilots at his airline have a comprehensive oral knowledge and flight proficiency exam. AD will have these exams annually, but the one at the end of the first year is considered to be especially important because it's the last point that the airline can easily get rid of a pilot without having to deal with the union and other hassles. The exam is hard, and if you don't pass, you can ultimately lose your job; after which, the probability of being hired by another airline is unlikely. Quite understandably, AD was quite concerned (and stressed and crabby) about this exam, and he (and I) spent months preparing for it. The good news is, AD took and passed his exam at the end of June, gets to keep his job, and will get a raise when his first year officially ends (yay!). The airline congratulated him on his accomplishment by putting him on reserve for the month of July (boo!).
 

For those not familiar with how airline pilots work, their schedules go by each calendar month. Each pilot bids on "a line" (a schedule) for the next month and are either given a line or are placed "on reserve" (on call) based on seniority. Luckily for us, AD was only on reserve for the first two months after he completed training; he has heard stories of pilots who hired in just before a hiring freeze and were on reserve for years. Pilots on reserve will basically be on call for anywhere from four to eight days at a time (usually with two or three days off in between), and each of those days your shift may either be in the form of "a wrap" (the airline gives you a minimum two hour notice to get to the airport for an assignment) or "ready reserve" (you sit at the airport and have 10-15 minutes to be ready for an assignment). And you can't find out until 6pm the day before what times and what type of shift you will be working the next day. For pilots who live near the city in which they're based, being placed on reserve isn't so bad. However, for pilots like AD (and there are many) who commute to work from another city, this means that you have to commute the night before you actually have to work, and you have to put yourself up somewhere in that city. For AD, this means less time at home and taking public transportation to sleep on college kid's couch (my little brother's friend) while he's on reserve. The only upside to AD's being on reserve this month is that he somehow got most of the weekends off, which should allow us to finally take our first camping trip with LG. We are praying that AD is not on reserve again in August (or anytime soon, for that matter).

With all the variables that affect AD’s work schedule changing by the month, week, day, it’s really difficult to plan a family vacation. This year, my parents happened to be invited to a wedding in Maryland--where AD grew up and his family still lives--right after the fourth of July, so we planned for LG and I to visit AD's family and show my parents around AD's stomping grounds, and AD would fly in for his days off, whenever they should fall during the trip.

So, my dad, mom, LG and I started our drive—I know, I know, as the child and wife of a pilot, you would think that LG and I would fly, but with us not living in one of his airline's hubs and not being able to get passes for non-immediate family members (yet), it would mean having a layover and handling LG by myself, as my parents would take another airline that would offer both a direct and cheaper flight from Detroit to Baltimore. Since I am very nervous about flying with LG by myself and also because my parents were going to need some wheels to get them around Maryland, they decided to just rent a van. And can I say that if it weren't for the limited model selection (especially from American manufacturers) and not-so-great gas mileage, I would totally rock a van?--from Michigan very early on a Wednesday [the fourth] and started back from Maryland on a Tuesday [the tenth].

LG has driven to Maryland twice before when he was five and ten months old, and with him being relatively reserved and a little on the slow side developing his large motor skills, these trips weren't too bad in terms of fussiness or restlessness. However, for this trip, I was a little concerned about how my now full-fledged toddler was going to handle a 10-12 hour car ride, so I did some mad food and activity preparations for the road trip. I brought books, a DVD player (a gift from my parents to LG for the occasion), special coloring book/markers/stickers, a play wallet, and made him a magnetic activity board (which didn't turn out how I had planned, but kept him occupied for a while anyway). Overall, I’d say the car rides went pretty well; LG slept, ate, played, and looked out the window (he liked sitting up high in the van) and kept the fuss down until the last 1-1½ hours of the ride both ways, which is to be expected.

We learned at the end of June that AD would have the Saturday and Sunday of our vacation week off. We also learned at the end of June that AD’s sister and her family would officially be adopting a long-awaited baby on the Friday of our week in Maryland[!] Can we pause for a moment to praise the Lord, and how we can always trust Him to come through for us? For one, that God created and delivered this baby boy out of a not-so-ideal situation to the family who had been praying and waiting for a child, and two, that He did so with excellent timing so that AD, LG and I could be there for Baby C’s homecoming. If they had gotten Baby C one week later, we may not have seen him until November! Not only were we there to celebrate at Baby C’s homecoming party on Sunday, but AD ended up getting Friday off, so we were able to actually go to the adoption agency with AD’s sister, brother-in-law, nephew, niece, and the rest of his family to receive Baby C. (Another testament to trusting the Lord to come through for us, especially regarding timing? The fact that in the nine months AD's been working for the airline, he's gotten two overnights in Detroit. One happened to fall on Christmas. the other fell on Easter. Coincidence? I think not).

AD with Baby C

 Big sister AB & big brother ON meeting Baby C

Artwork in Baby C's room made by ON & AB; this is one creative family!

Meanwhile, my parents went down to the DC area and explored the National Mall and Georgetown before the wedding they attended, which was in a bumper car pavilion at Glen Echo Park. AD and I had planned on taking my parents down to Baltimore to do some more sightseeing when they were finished with all of their wedding festivities on Saturday; however, seeing as it was 104 degrees and 87% humidity that day, their sightseeing was limited to the view from the van and the windows at the Rusty Scupper (which has beautiful views of the inner harbor, but to LG's dismay, no ranch dressing).

We were also able to meet up with my fabulous cousin JB, who lives in Virginia. I say and truly mean fabulous because this girl moved from Michigan to DC--where she knew very few people and did not yet have a job--right after college to pursue her dream job. Four years later, she's got the job (or maybe the precursor to the job--you'd have to ask her--but she's definitely on track) in a very male-dominated field, where she regularly outsmarts (and out-muscles) the boys. Girl is on top of her game, and we are so proud of her.

Other than that, we did a lot of

(visiting family)

and 

(hanging outside)

and

(playing)

and

(eating)

As with any true summer vacation, we each brought home a souvenir.

AD brought home:

and you better believe he would have brought more home if we had the $ and the room

I brought home:

which I've been looking for all season

And LG brought home:

which he is afraid of, which is okay with me. After all, I grew up in the '80s and was brainwashed by my parents that these things were dangerous when little girls were running their Barbie Jeep Pow-Pow-Power Wheels into brick walls and such.

LG also brought home the new nickname Do-Dah; his favorite phrase on the trip.